The Definition
by HIMluv
Summary: When Josef is pick-pocketed by a soon to be newbie vampire, he gets more than he bargained for. Now she won't leave him alone... Even Mick and Beth like her! But to Josef she is the definition of irritating...
1. Chapter 1

It was surprising how cold L.A. could get at night, especially when you were hungry. Or in raggedy clothes that had long since lost their ability to keep you warm. Elwen Sarchet, El to her limited circle of friends, knew all about that. She had a depressing amount of intimacy with L.A.'s colder nights, and this night wasn't any different.

Elwen was walking the streets, as was her custom, searching for food scraps and occasionally asking for a handout. It was late, after midnight, and most people would be scared spitless to walk these streets- but Elwen knew them all like the back of her hand. She knew all their intricacies and all of their secrets. At least she _thought_ she did. Nearly eleven years on the streets would give you that kind confidence.

She was walking down one of the sidewalks, her shoulders hunched and her hands rubbing together to generate warmth, when she saw a potential handout. A tallish man with auburn hair, wearing a _very_ expensive looking suit was about to pass her. She didn't stop to think about why someone so fancy was walking down the street at one in the morning- she wouldn't get another chance like this for more than a week! There was no way she was going to miss it.

As he drew closer, Elwen made her steps more chaotic- she started fumbling around and muttering about how cold she was. When the man drew even with her, she slumped against him and stealthily swiped his wallet.

"Hey!" He shouted, his voice not remotely concerned, "Get off of me!" Elwen immediately complied while keeping with her sickly façade.

"I'm sorry," She mumbled, "I'm just so cold…" She finished weakly. The man, whose good looks Elwen now appreciated, put a safe distance between them. He looked at her oddly, as if somehow measuring her worth, and then straightened his suit dismissively.

"Yeah, well, go be cold in an alley or something." Then he turned and walked away. Elwen shrugged and then turned the other way. Once she was a safe distance from where their 'altercation' took place, she looked at her spoils.

She flipped open the expensive leather wallet eagerly. In the billfold, she found several one hundred dollar bills, along with a few fifties, and handful of twenties, and a variety of ones and fives.

"Holy shit…" She whispered as she dug through the rest of the wallet. There were a couple credit cards, but she ignored them; she had no use for plastic. The other item in the wallet was a driver's license. "Hello, Handsome." She told the image, "Josef Kostan, huh?" She asked the relatively empty street, "That's a pretty weird name… what am I saying? It's not any worse than mine…" She grumbled as she pocketed the wallet.

As she entered one of the dark allies she was so used to travelling, Elwen began planning what to do with such a generous 'donation'. The first thing to do was buy new clothes, and then she'd rent a hotel room and take a real bath. Then have a real meal… the possibilities seemed endless.

She was about halfway down the alley when she felt it. She froze immediately and let her senses check the area. Her hair was on end, her heartbeat was racing, her breaths coming gasps. Although she couldn't see or hear anything, Elwen knew that she wasn't alone in the alley. She carefully looked behind her, only to find the alley empty. When she turned around, Elwen felt her heart leap into her throat. A man, someone she'd never seen before, stood before her. Elwen just stared at him, completely entranced by his ice blue eyes. When he _roared_ at her, her muscles went into overdrive in their attempt to get away. But, even as she ran with all she had, Elwen knew deep down that she would never escape. That's why she didn't make a single sound as she felt something pierce her neck. That's why she stopped fighting as her vision went black.

Josef wasted no time in hopping into his Ferrari and turning the key in the ignition. He couldn't wait to get home, he could still smell that homeless girl all over him. Maybe he was in a rush to get 

home and shower, maybe he figured it was too late to worry about it, or maybe he was just that cocky, but Josef was going _at least_ twice the legal speed limit when he saw the blue and red lights flashing in his rearview mirror.

"You've got to be shitting me…" He grumbled as he pulled onto the side of the road. When the officer, who was male- no luck there, asked for his license and registration, Josef reached for his wallet. When his hand found nothing but more fabric, Josef started laughing.

"Sir?" The cop asked warily, one hand moving to his holster.

"That sneaky little bitch!" Josef exclaimed with a laugh.

"Excuse me?" The cop seemed very concerned now.

"I've been robbed!" Josef told the officer as if it were the most spectacular thing on the planet.

"Look," The cop sighed, "I don't have time for this crap, all right?" It was Josef's turn to be confused, "It's almost two in the morning- if I book you, I've got to do all the paper work, and I won't get home until five." The vampire smiled smugly, he knew where this was going, "So I'm letting you go with a warning. I suggest you go home, and keep it in the speed limit on the way." Josef's smile widened.

"Thank you, officer." He said with mock sincerity. He waited for the cruiser to pull away before he pulled an illegal u-turn and headed back to the street where he'd been pick-pocketed. It was completely empty as Josef pulled up, which was understandable since it was almost two thirty in the morning.

As he got out of the car, Josef let his senses search for the girl. Besides the scent covering his clothes, he couldn't smell her. Therefore, he began retracing his steps. He was following a faint trail when he came upon the alley. It smelled so strongly of blood that he actually staggered for a moment. Once his head had cleared enough to tell that it was the pickpocket's blood, he took off into the dark. The alley was so saturated with the smell of her blood that Josef hadn't realized he'd found her until he stepped on her.

Josef knelt down, fearing that she was dead, and placed one hand to her throat. When he felt how ruined it was, he understood what had happened.

"A fledgling- gone rogue by the looks of it…" He mumbled to himself. He began rifling through her pockets in search of his wallet. When the dead girl groaned, Josef nearly jumped right out of his skin. She opened her eyes just enough to make out his face.

"Handsome?" She asked thickly. Josef ignored her and continued digging through her pockets.

"Don't mind me- just taking back what's mine." He said triumphantly as he removed his wallet. As he stood and moved down the alley, Elwen pulled herself up using the alley wall.

"Hey!" She shouted meekly, "Give that back!" The demand forced Josef to turn and stare at her.

"Excuse me?" He asked her incredulously, "You _stole_ it! _From me!"_

"Yeah, I stole it fair and square!"

"Well that's some criminal logic for you!" Josef countered as he walked away. As he reached the mouth of the alley, he could hear her talking to herself.

"What's happening to me?" She asked herself, "Is this _my_ blood?" Josef stopped in his tracks, finally putting everything together, "God, I am _starving_!" She exclaimed, Josef groaned.

"This is the last thing I need…" He muttered as he rubbed his forehead.

"How did I just hear you?" Elwen called from inside the alley, "You're too far away to hear!"

"Obviously not!" Josef said somewhat cruelly as he turned around and walked back to her. As he came closer, she began sniffing the air.

"You smell different…" She took a long whiff, "Blegh! Like something dead!" She took another long sniff in his direction before Josef snapped.

"Will you stop that!" She stared at him for a moment.

"All right, all right. Calm down, Stinky." He glared at her.

"Pay attention, because I'm only going to say this once." Josef checked to make sure he had her undivided attention, "You're a vampire now." He started quickly, "Avoid the sun, because it's _not_ fun, find a cold place to sleep, and don't kill anybody." He could tell that none of what he was saying was actually sinking in. Oh, well, it wasn't his problem. "If you _do_ kill someone, call this number," He produced a pen from seemingly nowhere and wrote the Cleaner's number on the back of her hand, "If you have any question that you _desperately_ need answered, call Mick St. John." He said the name slowly, as if he were talking to a child, "He's listed in the phone book."

"That's not your name…" Elwen said slowly.

"I know. That's kind of the point."

"But, aren't you the one who made me this way!" She asked angrily. Elwen had a thing about parents that ditched their children.

"No!" Josef denied fiercely, "In fact, I wouldn't even _be_ here if you hadn't stolen my wallet!" Then he turned and started to leave the alley.

"Hey! Where are you going?" She shouted after him.

"Home." He called over his shoulder without slowing down.

"What am I supposed to do now?"

"Figure it out!" Josef shouted just before he vanished around the corner.

"Oh, great… thanks a lot asshole…" Elwen grouched as she looked at her streets with new eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

It was just before twilight when Josef woke up. He yawned and stretched languidly before he opened the door on his oversized freezer. As he was getting dressed, he couldn't help but feel as if something were wrong.

"Now is not the time to be developing a conscience." He told himself sternly as he forced an image of the homeless girl from his mind, "She is not your responsibility." He assured himself as he checked his tie in the mirror. Josef smirked at his own reflection before he left the bedroom and went into the living room. What he found there was more than unexpected.

Lying on the floor was one of his Freshies, a blonde named Jessica. It only took a second for him to tell that she was dead; she had no heartbeat. Before he let his temper run away with him, Josef turned to the only other being in the room. If he hadn't been able to recognize her scent, he never would have guessed that _she_ was the girl from the alley.

Her long chocolate hair was now wavy, but tangle free. Her pale olive skin had lost its griminess and her clothes were obviously new- maybe even borrowed since they didn't seem to fit correctly. Even her hazel eyes had a new look to them. Instead of the defiance that had filled them the night before, they were now full of horror. Horror at what she had done. Josef noticed how she was curled up on the couch in a tiny ball, just staring at the inert blonde. He was sure that she hadn't even noticed him enter the room. When he reached for his cell phone, she spoke without looking away from the Freshie.

"Who are you calling?" She asked fearfully.

"The Cleaner." He replied simply, the phone pressed against his ear. The girl didn't say another word. Once the Cleaner answered, Josef gave his address and told her that it was an accidental kill.

As the silence endured, Josef moved to the body. He might have a cruel reputation, but Josef prided himself in taking good care of his girls. He made sure that she looked respectable for clean up and then he closed her vacant eyes. That last gesture was too much for Elwen, and she began sobbing on the couch.

"I didn't mean to kill her!" She exclaimed tearfully, "I had just finished showering and had dressed in clothes I'd found in the other room…" Whatever else she said was lost in her wracking sobs. Josef wasn't sure how much more of her crying he could handle. "She just surprised me… and I was so _hungry_!" She looked at Josef pleadingly, "I'm so sorry!" Josef sighed as he sat in one of his armchairs.

"It's ok…" She looked at him, more fearful than she was before, "Well… it's not really _ok_, but it's done, so calm down." She swallowed hard and nodded her understanding. After a moment, Josef thought to ask, "Are you still hungry?" He could tell by the terror on her face that she was, "I'll get you something…" He said as he moved to the bar.

"Please, no!" She begged, "I don't want to kill anyone!"

"You're not going to kill anyone, calm down." He told her as he poured two glasses of AB negative. As he handed her a glass, she looked at it skeptically, "It's good," He assured her, "Taste it." She shakily obeyed.

"Thank you." She whispered after several mouthfuls.

"No problem." He told her. Josef was surprised by his own amount of calm, he figured he would have been spitting mad. "What's your name?" He asked finally.

"Elwen." She answered.

"Elwen?"

"Yeah," She nodded, "Apparently my mom had a thing for Lord of the Rings." She told him with a stronger voice, "It means 'Star maiden' in Elfish… I looked it up once." She shrugged. He nodded appreciatively.

"How old are you?" He asked. He figured that the more she talked, the less she would cry.

"Twenty-two."

"How long have you been," Josef had been going to say 'homeless', but her opted for a better term, "on the streets?"

"Off and on for about eleven years…" She answered warily, she wasn't used to answering so many question. Josef had been about to ask another one, when someone knocked on the door.

"That'll be the Cleaner." He told the fledgling. Except it wasn't. When Josef opened the door, he found Mick and Beth instead. "What? You don't use the phone anymore?" He asked his friend a little testily. Mick ignored him an pushed through into the house. Beth followed his lead. Josef sighed and waited for the earful he was sure to receive.

"Um… Josef?" Beth asked, "Why is there a dead girl on your living room floor?" Josef looked at her in confusion.

"Isn't that where everyone keeps their dead girls? No?" He thought for a moment, "I must be behind the times…"

"Josef…" Mick's voice carried all of his concern.

"Relax." He told them both, "I've called the Cleaner, and everything is under control." There was another knock at the door, "That will be the Cleaner." He said with a sour smile as he turned back to the door. He let the Cleaning Crew into the house and showed them to the body. He handed them several bills and in moments, they were gone, taking all traces of Jessica with them.

After the Cleaning Crew left, Josef looked at his three guests, "Mick, Beth- this is Elwen." He introduced them, "Elwen, this is Mick and Beth." Elwen perked up a little.

"Mick St. John?" She asked. Josef smirked. 

"Yes…" Mick's voice was full of confusion, "Do we know each other?" Elwen shrugged.

"You're listed in the phonebook." She said simply, if confusingly, before taking another sip of AB negative. Mick looked from the dark haired girl to Josef in obvious confusion.

"Josef," Mick motioned to the kitchen, "A word?"

"Just one?" Josef asked in surprise, "Ok… I think I can handle that…" The older vampire said with a smirk as he followed Mick out of the room. Once they were shut in the other room, Mick began shooting off questions.

"Who is she, and what the hell happened in here?"

"That's more than one word, Mick. You need to learn how to count." Josef could tell that his friend was in no mood to joke, "Look, it's a long story, and it doesn't really have an ending yet, so…"

"Humor me." The P.I. demanded. Therefore, Josef reiterated the events of the night before, in detail. When Josef told of how Elwen had been accidentally turned, Mick had a small coronary, "You mean to tell me that I left Beth alone with a newbie vampire?"

"They're fine." Josef assured his friend, "She just had an _entire_ Freshie, _and _she has over half a glass of AB negative!"

"You better hope you're right…" Mick threatened as he turned and left the room.

"For the record," Josef said as he followed after Mick, "I hope so too."


	3. Chapter 3

For the second time that day, the scene he found in his living room surprised Josef. Instead of blood and yet _another_ dead blonde on his floor, Josef saw two young women laughing and talking over drinks. Of course, the brunette's drink was a little redder than the blonde's. When Josef looked over at Mick, he could practically feel the relief emanating from him. Josef returned his attention to the girls.

"And what's so funny?" He asked as he poured drinks for Mick and himself. Beth tried to suppress a smile, but she failed miserably.

"I just can't believe you were pick-pocketed!" She said with a laugh. Josef frowned, but Elwen smiled. She wasn't sure if pissing Josef off would be wise, but talking with Beth had boosted her spirits considerably.

"C'mon, Beth." She told the reporter, "Give me a _little_ credit." When Elwen saw the dark look on the eldest vampire's face, she hastily added, "Although, he _is_ the only person who's ever come back for his wallet." She yawned as she finished her sentence.

"Are you tired?" Beth asked with a small laugh.

"It's nothing," Elwen assured her, "I'm used to sleepless nights…"

"When was the last time you slept, I mean, _really_ slept?" Beth dug, her inner reporter shining through.

"What's today?" Elwen asked her new friend.

"Tuesday." The younger girl thought carefully.

"I think the last time I slept was Sunday night… but that was only for a few hours." Beth's eyes widened, and then she looked at Josef.

"Do you have a place where she could sleep?" The reporter asked him.

"There's my freezer…" Josef said, although it was more like thinking with his mouth open. Once he realized what he had actually said, he hurried to take it back, "But she can't sleep there."

"Why not?" Mick and Beth asked simultaneously.

"Because it's _mine_!" Josef returned. He didn't care if it sounded mean- he didn't want someone else sleeping in _his_ freezer… that would be gross… Josef looked at each of his three guests in turn. Mick and Beth were giving him identical dirty looks, but Elwen's eyes were full of last night's defiance.

"It's fine." She sais suddenly, "I don't want to sleep in his freezer anyway." Not once did Elwen drop her gaze from Josef's, "It probably stinks just like him." Mick and Beth shared a confused glance.

"Well, then, at least we agree- you _won't_ be sleeping in my freezer." Mick stared at his friend for a moment.

"Josef, another word…"

"Another one?" Josef asked incredulously, "You're needy tonight, Mick." When the younger vampire threw a glare in his direction, Josef groaned, "All right! Fine!" When they were in the kitchen once more, Mick looked at Josef coldly.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" Josef insisted, "I'm the same ruthless, heartless vampire you've always known." He muttered.

"It's just _one_ night, Josef."

"Yeah," Josef nodded, "Until she asks again, and again, and the next thing I know I've got a roommate with no intention of paying rent." Mick scoffed.

"As if you would _need_ her to pay rent…" Josef looked at him sharply.

"That's not the point, Mick."

"Well, then what is the point?" Josef wheeled on his friend, his voice low and cutting. If Mick hadn't known him, he would have been very afraid of Josef just then.

"The point is that I said "no"!" Mick watched his friend carefully, "And if she doesn't learn now that, in my house, what I say goes, then..." Josef fumed, but Mick smirked.

"Why does she need to learn how things work in your house?" Mick's smile broadened, "She's only staying one night…" Josef paused, as if replaying what he had said inside his head. Then he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked away from Mick.

"Yeah… for now…" He grumbled. Mick hurried to hide his smile.

"So you'll let her stay?"

"Yes!" Josef huffed, "But, if she's not gone tomorrow, it's going to be entirely your fault!" Mick smiled knowingly at his best friend of nearly fifty years.

"All right, Josef," Mick said calmly, "That sounds fair." The P.I. followed his friend back into the living room. Josef didn't even pause, he walked straight towards his room.

"Elwen!" He shouted from down the hall, "The freezer is _this_ way…" He grumbled, but the two vampires heard him easily and the youngest hurried after him.

"Is everything all right?" Beth asked worriedly, she hadn't been able to hear Josef grumble from where she was seated.

"Everything's fine." Mick assured her, "Josef just doesn't like it when things don't happen on his terms." Beth snorted.

"That must be a vampire trait…" They glared at each other for a moment before they both started laughing.

In the back of the house, in the master bedroom, Josef was showing Elwen _his_ freezer.

"Don't get too used to it," He warned her, "This is strictly temporary."

"Ok, I get it." She told him, "You don't want me here…"

"Well," Josef smiled sourly, "At least we understand one another."

"Would it really be_ that_ bad if I hung around?" Although she was considerably shorter than he was, she had no trouble staring Josef down.

"Hm… Let me think…." He paused for thought, "Well, we've already established that you're a thief," He ticked that fact off on his index finger, "you have an amazing knack for pissing me off," His middle finger joined his index finger, "_and_, you're about to become a freezer monger." His ring finger joined the other two, "So, yes- it _would_ be that bad." Elwen huffed at him as she climbed into the freezer.

"You know," She began, "I'm not the only one who can be irritating." She told him with a smirk. Before he had a chance to reply, she slammed the freezer lid shut.

"Hey! Be careful with that!" He exclaimed, "It probably cost more money than you've seen in your entire _life_…" He grouched as he left the room.

When he entered the living room, Mick and Beth immediately stopped talking.

"Should my ears be burning?" he asked them as he poured a glass of scotch and added some AB negative to it.

"Mick and I were just thinking…" Beth started.

"I'll alert the media- oh, wait!" Josef looked at her wickedly as he sat, "That's _your _job." Beth ignored Josef's idea of humor.

"We were thinking that maybe Elwen_ should_ stay here…" Josef spat scotch and blood all over himself.

_"What?"_

"She needs a place to stay, Josef." Mick said matter-of-factly.

"Well, then, why don't _you_ take her in, Mother Teresa?" He shot at his best friend.

"I don't have the space for another freezer." Mick told his friend logically.

"Sure you do," Josef thought for a second, "Get rid of your couch."

"What? I'm not getting rid of my couch, man!"

"Oh, who's self-sacrificing now?" Mick was about to counter his friend's claim, but Beth interrupted.

"Focus! Please!" Both vampires turned their attention to the blonde, "Josef, you could put the second freezer in the spare bedroom. Just get rid of the bed…"

"News flash, Buzzwire, that bed serves a purpose." Beth looked at him blankly for a second.

"Oh! Yuck!" She exclaimed with a scrunched up face.

"Yuck?" Josef asked in offense.

"That was a visual I did _not_ need!"

"C'mon, Beth…" Josef smirked, "You know you've thought about it." Mick quickly stepped in.

"All right! That's enough!" He looked at both of them, "Calm down- both of you…" Beth cleared her throat.

"As I was saying- put the freezer in the spare bedroom, just for now." She added. Josef slouched in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest like a petulant child.

"Josef," Mick began, "It's still temporary. She'd only be staying as long as she needed help adjusting to our world." Josef looked at Mick, and then at the reporter; their gazes were resolute.

"I'm not getting out of this, am I?" Beth patted his arm in mock sympathy.

"Sure you will…. Eventually."

"Great." Josef spat, "Josef Konstantin: Vampire, Hedge Fund Trader, Babysitter…." He glared at his friends and then looked out the window glumly, "I'm gonna have to buy new business cards…"


	4. Chapter 4

Once Mick and Beth left, Josef poured another glass of scotch and sat in his favorite spot on the couch. He rolled his neck and shoulders in an effort to get rid of the tension this girl was causing him. _You know you wouldn't have kicked her… not really._ His conscience told him. He sighed and brought the glass of alcohol to his forehead.

"It's been too long since I was a fledgling…" He told the room. After a few more minutes of wallowing in confusion and self-pity, Josef started to compile a list of things Elwen needed. "A freezer, obviously." It was the first thing he wrote on the scrap paper he had found on the coffee table. "Clothes." He added, "Although… she might want to pick those out herself…" He scratched the word off the list, and then made a face as he realized that he'd probably have to go shopping with her. "I'll make Beth do it." He said with a wicked smile. He wrote 'Clothes-Beth' underneath the word 'freezer'.

He sat thinking for a few more minutes.

"Ok!" He said with mock enthusiasm, rubbing his hands together, "A freezer it is…" He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed a number from memory.

"Eli!" He greeted the person on the other end, "I'm good, I'm good. You?" He chuckled. "Listen- I need a favor…" He paused, "I need another freezer." Josef sighed, "Yes, another one." Then, Josef's entire demeanor shifted, "Of course I'm good for it! Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" The offense was clear in his voice. As the man on the other quickly tried to make amends, Josef straightened his tie and collar angrily. "Yeah. Yeah," He said finally, "No. It doesn't need to be so fancy; in fact, it doesn't even need to be that big!" He laughed suddenly, "The person it's for is lucky if she's five feet tall!" Josef listened to the person on the other end for a moment. Then he rolled his eyes, "Look, Eli, can you get it here by morning or not?" Apparently, Eli didn't think he could deliver the freezer in eight hours. "Eli!" Josef said sternly, in an attempt to cut through the other man's rant, "You get it here by eight AM and I'll pay you price and a half… in cash." Josef listened for another moment, and then smiled, "I knew you could do it." He said drily, "I'll see you bright and early…" Josef hung up the phone angrily. "Asshole…" He grunted, "Whatever happened to 'the customer is always right'?" He sighed as he sat back down. He was looking around for something productive to do when it hit him.

"The bed's going to have to be taken apart…" He considered paying someone to do it, but then he figured he could use something to fill the time. When Josef walked into the bedroom, he looked at the bed with sad eyes. "I'm going to miss you." He told it as he pulled the black silk sheets and pillowcases onto the floor. He balled up the bedding and threw it in a nearby, nearly empty, hamper. "Probably need washed anyway…" He grumbled. Next, he pulled the mattress off the frame and leaned it against the wall. Then, he stared at the bed frame. There was a myriad of screws that kept the sleek, modern frame together. Josef wasn't sure if he had any tools that were meant for this. "I'm not even sure I have any tools…" He muttered to himself.

Josef turned the house upside down, as he searched for some sort of screwdriver. He searched every drawer in every room, except for his room. The_ last_ thing he wanted to do was wake up Elwen. His search proving fruitless, Josef went back to the spare bedroom and sat down in front of the problematic bed frame. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, when a female voice nearly scared him out of his wits.

"What are you doing?" Elwen asked. Josef turned to look at her and instantly wished that he hadn't. Naturally, she had slept nude in the freezer – he understood that- but instead of putting her old clothes back on, she had snagged one of his Armani shirts. That was it! _That_ he didn't understand.

"I'm dismantling this bed." He told her as he stared.

"Really?" She asked as she looked at the frame suspiciously, "You sure have made a lot of progress…" Josef ignored her sarcasm.

"What are you wearing?" He demanded. She looked down at herself.

"One of your shirts." She said with a shrug.

"I can see that."

"Then, why'd you ask?"

"Because-" He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, "What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep anymore." She shrugged again. Josef looked at his watch.

"Sure you can!" He said with obviously forced cheer, "You've only had four hours sleep!"

"I'm used to getting less." She shrugged once more. If she shrugged one more time, Josef was going to duct tape her shoulders down. He took another deep breath.

"You should try to go back to sleep." He told her as he guided her out of the room, "Just, put my shirt back where you found it, climb back into my freezer, and go back to sleep." Elwen looked at him, puzzled.

"If I sleep anymore, I'll puke." She told him stubbornly.

"No you won't." Josef assured her.

"Why not?"

"Because, you'd sincerely regret it- this carpet's expensive." She threw him an ugly look. He sighed, "Look, at least _try_ and get some more sleep… ok?"

"What is going on?" She asked, "Four hours ago you were throwing a hissy fit about me sleeping in that freezer, now you want to throw me _in_ it!"

"I was not throwing a hissy-" Josef took yet another deep breath. "I really need to concentrate on taking this bed apart, and I can't do that with you buzzing around." She looked at him carefully.

"I can take that bed apart." Elwen said firmly.

"Really?" His tone made it obvious that he didn't believe her.

"Really."

"Then, by all means!" He gestured with one arm, signaling that she go ahead. Josef followed her with a smug smile as she walked purposefully into the kitchen. "You won't find any tools in here." He told her lazily while examining his fingernails.

"Good thing I'm not looking for tools then." She told him as she opened drawer after drawer. She slammed all the drawers that didn't yield what she was searching for.

"Then what are you looking for?" He asked, but she ignored him.

"Aha!" She exclaimed as she pulled out a decent sized kitchen knife. She slammed the drawer closed and headed for the spare bedroom. Josef couldn't help himself, he was intrigued now. Once they were back in the room, Elwen sat down on the floor. Josef followed her lead while keeping his eyes glued to the bed frame; his shirt wasn't very concealing, even if she was so small.

"See these?" She asked him as she pointed at one of the screws. He nodded that he did indeed see them. "These are flathead screws." She told him slowly, as if she were talking to a child, "Now, just because you are the strangest man in existence and you _don't_ have any screwdrivers, doesn't mean that these can't be removed." Josef was about to defend himself, but Elwen continued over him. "You just get a knife, put the point here, and twist." She said as she showed him, "Now, remember; righty tighty, lefty loosey." She yawned, "I think I'll take your advice and hit the freezer again…" She told him as she stood and stretched. Josef kept his eyes on the floor. As she walked away, the older vampire had to get the last word.

"Make sure you put my shirt back!" He shouted after her.

"Don't worry, I will!" She yelled back, "It stinks just like you!"

Well, the older vampire had to _try_ to get the last word.


	5. Extremely Belated Author Note

All right,

First I need to apologize for being so long in posting on this story…

I feel absolutely horrible because I have done to all of my wonderful readers, what I hate having done to myself. I HATE when I commit to a story, only to have the author ditch it.

Well, I am here to tell you guys that I am pulling this story from its seeming grave. I have already started on the next chapter, chapter 10.

It might take some time for me to fall back into Josef and Sarah, because I have met a lot of other characters, most truly my own, in my absence.

I would like to explain my absence, though I'm sure it's not an unheard of excuse:

I started college, and wanted to put as much effort in as possible. I had recently met my boyfriend, and was obsessed with spending time with him. And quite honestly, in the midst of finding this new life, I forgot my fanfiction family. I am very sorry, but I plan on making amends now that my time has freed up.

I am going to finish One Bad Day, and once I have I will move on to The Definition. After that is complete I will consider finishing Accidents Happen, but I might start an Avatar: Last Airbender fic. I'm not sure yet.

Either way, I hope you, my ever loyal readers, will keep following these stories, because they have no real life without you.

Thank you again for all your reviews, favorites, and alerts you've made in the last couple years. I hope I can make them all worth while.

HIMluv


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